quagmire

  i find myself struggling with school. we love school. i think all kids should want to go to school. grumbling and crying about missing a day should make our hearts all warm and fuzzy, cause then we know they LOVE school. we love the philosophy of Waldorf education. i appreciate all the things i have learned under their wing and know that i'm a better parent for it. i wish that tuition wasn't so expensive and rising every year. when i look at the future with three boys to put through school, 15 years for each boy, an hour drive there and back, twice a day, and that's with out considerations for after school practices and performances ~ whew, it's mind boggling and kind of freaking me out.
  last year we decided that we would home school M1 for first grade. our Kindy teacher pleaded with me not to do it, extolling the virtues and values of first grade and our to-be teacher KTL. she was right. M1's teacher is amazing and i don't know what we would do with out him. he's a guru and wonderfully talented, but he hasn't decided whether to return for second grade or for the future period. this leaves me with a dilemma. one of the reasons i decided it was best for him to come back to Waldorf for first, was that the two younger boys were just that younger. M3 was a baby last year and he really needed me a lot. he's coming up on 2 years this Spring, so now i'm thinking maybe now is the time to reconsider homeschooling.
  fear. this is my greatest detractor. will i be able to provide M1 with all the things he would be getting at an established Waldorf school. i don't want to short change him, but i also don't want to gyp M2 from the opportunity his older brother has already had by being able to go to school and get the foundation of Waldorf in a formal setting.
  part of me feels as though it would be so freeing to have all of them home and doing a Waldorf inspired uneducation. learning hands on, being able to socialize with other Waldorf minded families, and not having the hustle and bustle that going to school creates. there are things i would have to do to succeed in this venture. i would have to be organized and have daily goals. there could be none of this slacking that i do now where nothing gets done all day cause i'm searching the web finding all kinds of cute crafts that i'm not going to do. i say not going to do cause i don't have the time, but it's mostly because i manage (or don't) my time horribly.  i have a lighter heart when i think of them being here, forcing me to step up, be a better person and parent. making me accountable to them, their education, and myself. is that too much to wrap into such a simple thing as homeschooling? i am known (perhaps only to myself) for having huge unattainable expectations and having just as high expectations for myself.. i will need a support group.
*sigh*
then there's the to-be Kindergartner. what do i need to do to start him on a school loving path? i have an idea already of asking M1's teacher for his lesson plans for 2nd grade. perhaps i could ask our favorite Kindy teacher for her's as well. can i juggle both grades at the same time, or kind of mesh the two together when possible so that everyone is having a good time, including M3. hmm food for thought.
partial musings of today...