it's a day...

  as i sit here at 430pm avoiding making dinner, but searching my girl Karina's website for inspiration, i am completely drained. i mean seriously wiped out. ugh! the thought of all this dinner business doesn't do me any good. the thought of going in the kitchen to whip something up, *sigh*, is just not appealing. where is my home chef today? ha! well if i had a chef then i damn well better have a trainer. :) as i have none of those things i am going to have to schlep into the kitchen.
  for xmas i got J guitar lessons. actually i traded for them. i am trading massage for lessons. it's a really good trade. J is so happy with his lessons and i am pretty sure V is happy with the massage she got this am. it certainly wasn't perfect. the boys were running around interrupting. we got a really late start, but i got to cuddle and hold a lovely 3 month old girl with the most amazing hazel eyes. oh it was so precious. i thought, hmm maybe one more, but then i came to my senses. one more. who knows what we would get, boy or girl. someone else attached to my breasts for the next 2+ years. the sleep thing...oh yeah. she can be as cute as she wants to be, for HER family. :) i did enjoy myself though.
  so i don't know if it's the crazy morning, giving the massage, the half ass lunch i had...i don't know. damn Oprah for having the Chipotle guy on her show. all i want is a bowl.....wait for it....from Chipotle. not the other kind, but right at this moment i could care less. ;) i will say that her show on food was pretty good, but she really needs to have more than one show and she needs to go a little more in depth to show people where their food is coming from and how it's processes.
  M2's birthday party is on Saturday. i am not prepared for it. the avocados i picked from our tree are no where near ready, so i am going to have to come up with another plan for food, other than Mexican Chocolate Cake. that reminds me i still have to get the pinata...oh man i need to make another list and start hammering stuff out.
  i have avoided 2 auditions this week. i am excited by the prospect of going to it, getting the job and making money. i am not excited with taking the boys, feeling like i'm wasting gas, and not getting any kind of feedback. i get that this is a process, but it's kinda lost on me right now and i just don't feel up to putting myself out there. i feel like i need a vacation from my life ~ or maybe just a day to myself might heal this melancholic feeling.
it's definitely a rambling, this one...