Friday, March 26, 2010

a split second of our day





Inspired by Earth Mama who was 
*inspired by Amanda Soule*
a brief glimpse at our morning

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ostara

it's taken me far too long to post this, but alas i took a bunch of pictures of the boys with my phone, and the daunting task of sending each one to my email, to save to the computer, to finally upload here, ug well here it is Wednesday.
faeries and gnomes strike again!

M1 basket

 M2 basket

M3 basket

 oooh look!

look what i got!

look Moma!

 checking out the goodies

 M3 has no clue what's going on. :)

 M2's bunny from last year. the Magic Bunny is really good at recycling.

M1 with bunny.
 the hunt begins!

 it did not take him long to figure out what to do!

 we colored on our eggs this year. the Equinox being on Saturday morning meant i didn't plan well for decorating the eggs Friday after school. so it was fun and simple. there weren't any sweets either and the boys didn't even notice. :)




 look at those eagle eyes!


 Our boys. :)

Blessed Spring to all!

Friday, March 19, 2010

a split second of our day


Inspired by Earth Mama
a brief glimpse at our morning

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

schedules, routine, rhythm, whatever you wanna call it...

Lisa @ earthmama has an interesting thought this morning. one that i have been thinking on and planning for our family. we have a really good nap and bed time routine. it's the during the day (like right now) that kinda sucks. i have grandiose visions for the summer and the fall. i don't remember if i posted my thoughts on how i would like to homeschool, but it's an offshoot of that.

so the nursery and kindergarten programs are play based. the rooms are set up to mimic the home, which i don't know that everyone gets. now why is this? why do all the activities for the children revolve around meaningful work and play? if you think about it back-in-the-day that is how it was in the home. the children were an integral part of the home, helping and maintaining the home. now i don't know how much of their lives were spent at play, but we know how important it is for our children. we all see how our children model and imitate us. they want to sweep, wash, and clean. just like they see us doing. so i think that a blending of the past and now is the perfect balance. for us, anyway.

meaningful work. this is a task given to a child that has a purpose and the achievement of this task gives the child a sense of accomplishment and pride. not from us "good jobbing" the hell out of them and the task, but a simple acknowledgment of the task fulfilled and validation that you can see they worked hard. that's it, that's all they need. i don't believe you have to "pay" or treat a child for completing an age appropriate task. they get their own rewards just from the sense of fulfillment and our validation of how hard they worked.

so our rhythm: 
getting up
getting dressed
making beds while bfast is being prepared
M2 &3 feed dog
M1&2 setting the table
blessings
eat
M1 (6.5 yo) clearing and putting stuff away
M2 (4 yo) wiping down the table
M3 (1.8 yo) push in chair
M1 & M2  washing their own dishes
All ~ chore of the day
M1 help collecting laundry
M2 help with loading laundry
M3 help with switching out loads
*free play
go for a walk
snack
M1&2 setting the table
blessings
eat
M1 clearing and putting stuff away
M2 wiping down the table
M3 push in chair
M1 & M2  washing their own dishes
All ~ activity of the day 
*free play
lunch
M1&2 setting the table
blessings
eat
M1 clearing and putting stuff away
M2 wiping down the table
M3 push in chair
M1 & M2  washing their own dishes
M3 nap
M2 book, then nap
M1 quiet time (book, knitting)
snack (outside)
play
dinner
M1&2 setting the table
blessings
eat
M1 clearing and putting stuff away
M2 wiping down the table
M3 push in chair
M1 feed dog
bath & teeth
pjs
books
bed

Chore of the day: 
M: bathrooms
T: sweep/vacc/mop
W: dusting
Th:
F:
S: sweep/vacc, change towels
S: linens

Activity of the day:
M: painting
T: bread day
W: soup day
Th:
F:

*free play is on here like it's scheduled but really it's for when ever they are done with their tasks.

Laundry schedule:
M: darks
T: whites
W: lights/colors
Th: jeans
F: rugs/mats
S: towels
S: sheets

so as you can see i still have to flesh out a couple things, it's definitely more of a rhythm than a schedule. i know better than to put times on stuff. i know i want to have them help with dinner prep early in the am (chopping veg and the like), i know i will have to adjust this for M1 and M2 when the Fall comes to incorporate schooling time in there. i will have to see where the natural break comes for these things though. but for the most part i'm pretty happy.

for whatever reason i cannot think of more activities or cleaning things...i don't know why that is. well that's not true, i should probably add ironing in there so that both M1 and M3 are crossing their mid-line. we do laundry every day. i would like to put up a clothes line in our back yard, just have to find the right place to put it.

so there you go...i am a Virgo what can i say :)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Green Spring Cleaning

yes yes yes, it's that time of year. The official beginning of Spring is this weekend and in anticipation of it the Spring Cleaning bug is nipping at my toes.

in doing a search for Spring Cleaning checklists and articles i found this one that i thought was lovely. it includes recipes and ideas for what to clean. not so much the checklist. martha has one of course, if you wanna get down and dirty, she doesn't talk green, but if you are like me i have to edit/adjust everything anyway to fit my taste. *shrug* so no worries.

here is the best of both worlds. :)

happy cleaning!

Friday, March 12, 2010

friday mornings

the little boys are doing yoga, although M2 did tell me that he can't do the ABC on yet, cause he's not in first grade. he made me laugh. well i should amend that and say that one of them is doing yoga, the other one is, i'm pretty sure, destroying the play room. i remember this stage with the older two boys where they would just sweep everything off the shelves, pull everything out of the little kitchen, leave a huge wake of mess as they would walk away and sit quietly and read a book. M3 is a pro at destruction, he's pretty good about helping to clean up, but you know the horror you have when you walk into the room and it's so chaotic it just takes your breath away? happens at least two times a day here...

my blog is missing pictures and it slays me not to have them posted here. my beautiful boys and all their craziness. my camera was stolen out of my car over a year ago. they broke the window and took my purse, right in front of school while i was dropping off M1. oh my heart was broken. i was also attempting to take a picture of the boys everyday, which is an amazing feat in itself, and all those pictures gone. no i did not upload them. and yes i know... ;)

let's see i can figure something out...

this in Oct, obviously, our goddaughter R was in town w/her moma R*. we had such a good time!


moma and M2


Our nubian Queen. :)


crazy driver already...


i'm thinking there was some nakedness going on there...knowing me :)


i can't use pictures from FB, now that's a bummer!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

lighter shoulders

exhale

yes! we had come to the point this weekend of making a decision about the boys education. i was of the mind to pull our oldest from school and start homeschooling them as of this past Monday, but my level headed husband said, why don't we wait until Spring Break and do it then. the relief of making the decision and the added benefit of us having money to do the little things, you know like being able to feed our family and put gas in the car, was much appreciated.

so, my husband put the proverbial gauntlet down and said okay now you have to figure out what your teaching and find your rhythm. you have 3 weeks. my thought was to ask M1's teacher for the rest of this years lessons so that we would just leave off where he started. i was also going to ask if he would mentor my sweet boy and also help me with the curriculum for next year and to ask him how to teach to my boy, so that my lack of patience doesn't ruin everything. so i typed up that email and off it went and that evening he called. i was expecting this, of course, was i wasn't expecting was for this man to offer to pay M1's tuition out of his own savings. he's a teacher at a Waldorf school, for gods sake, so you know he's not making big bucks. oh my, he just floored me with his love and generosity. he told us that he really thought that it was important that M1 finish this year, for closure, but also because he had come so far this year. we told him we would talk to the finance guy at school and see what could be done.

that meeting happened today. M1 can finish the year and our payments have been suspended. really they are just being added to the back we owe them anyway, but he did say that if we want to return that we would have to chip away at the back as well as pay what we owe for the boys tuitions.  really and truly i don't see us returning, but i'm not closing that door. you never know, but i'm just so jubilant with the thought of us creating our own school where all the boys will be participating regardless of age.

exhale with a contented smile.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Change gonna come our way...

whether we like it or not, there's change a comin. some of it i'm looking forward to, the other, well i won't really know til i'm in the middle of it, thank the gods. :) 

how is that that you can have a heavy heart and excited butterflies at the same time? well i know one thing for certain we will be lighter for the conversation and decision we came to, it is the best choice for our family, and nothing is forever. that's the key that i have to remember. instead of getting all bogged down in absolutes, realize that nothing is permanent. i return stuff to the store all the time, clothes, food, so why don't we know going into things that it's not a deal breaker to try it out, and if it doesn't work look for another way to do it or accomplish it. Thursday will be "proof in the pudding".  either way though i'm already happier for making the choice.

yes, this is cryptic, but i'm not quite ready to put stuff into black and white just yet, so...you're gonna have to wait. til Thursday afternoon.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I love Jamie Oliver. I enjoy his food and I am behind him in his efforts to educate and change the way America and England eat.

jamie oliver's speech

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

blog crush?

is this a possible thing, a blog crush?

i was perusing down in the meadow, a blog by Suzane, a Waldorf homeschooling/crafting moma out in South Africa and i was systematically making my way through the links she has of the blogs she follows and i found Sara at farmama. *sigh* i had to start at the beginning of her blog so i didn't miss anything. i am humbled and amazed by this woman, her husband, their children, and dedication to family and farm. i am inspired.

i've been deliberating about homeschooling and reading her blog put me over. i can do it. it would be fun, BUT before i jump in with both feet i have to see a couple things through. i had put in an application with anthropologie, and got an interview for next week. why, you ask, when everything else about me is green crunchy waldorf and family? cause i love beautiful things (i just rolled my eyes at myself), i love to create, and then there's the money thing.

it's all kind of wrapped up in the decision of what to do for our family and school for the boys.

we have three options that i can see:

1.  me get a job, all three boys go to the Waldorf school in Northridge. it's a lot of money. then there's the what to do with the boys for all those breaks from school and summer. yikes, more money!

2. me get a job, the older two boys go to Mariposa, find childcare for M3. school is public Waldorf inspired, but childcare for M3 is money. honey :) same as 1 for the breaks

3. me homeschool. the money for homeschool would be insignificant when measured against what we were spending for HHWS. hmmm no extra money out the door for childcare for breaks and whatnot...

what do i want. i would like to be home with the boys. now this is earth shattering and a lot of growth for me. previously i could not wait for school. to get them all out the door and finally have time for myself again. this is just one of my many diversionary tactics to avoid dealing with myself though. last year i started to feel the urge to do more, be more for our family and to connect more with the boys. M3 was a baby though and the thought of homeschooling and having to give him so much of my attention, i felt like i would be failing the older boys with the attention they needed for their schooling. this year has been very different though. i don't know when i started just wanting to have them here and dreading the drive out to school. i worked it out so that we are carpooling, which is nice, but even doing that is getting old and i just want M1 home. the last break we had was nice. granted it wasn't perfect, but neither am i, but it was much smoother than it ever was in the past and i was really looking forward to it. Spring Break is coming up the end of March and i'm really looking forward to that. :)

when i made the decision to homeschool yesterday morning i started contacting Waldorf homeschooling families here to start a group. you know, getting together for one block of something, all ages, and just having a day of it. gardening, handwork, etc....i am really excited about the prospects of doing it with the boys and taking it down to a fundamental Steiner philosophy of including the children in the meaningful work of taking care of the family home and at the same time naturally integrating their minds, hearts, and hands. then, the interview phone call that afternoon.

i believe everything happens for a reason. i set the job thing in motion and now i don't want to do it. am i chickening out? my intuition is telling me that being home with them is what i need, to slow down, live in the present, and enjoy them in all their innocence and wisdom.

i fear telling J that i've changed my mind. he gets so frustrated with my wishy-washiness. which i can understand. i tend to react emotionally to situations and don't clearly think things out, or if presented with a more attractive option i will go with that. cause i didn't think of it in the first place and it just makes more sense. but to him i'm being contrary.

so i had half decided to just let it ride, but as i'm hammering this out right now i believe i know what to do and that's have the conversation with J and see what he thinks. this trust, making decisions together for the best of the family thing is tough.

wish me luck.

important things to remember

oh my. you know that feeling upon waking in the morning where just the mere thought of getting out of bed is painful? your eyes are heavy as stones, you fall back to sleep quickly when woken by one of your children, you are already cranky and raising your voice to frisky hungry boys?

yeah. that's me this morning and here hours after finally getting my tired bum outta bed my eyes are still weary and i'm dog tired and it's all because i had sweets last night. now for those of you who don't know, your adrenal glands are this super important system of the body. the adrenals start saving, i think it's insulin, for the next day at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. so if you eat sweets after that time, your body steals from your next day adrenals so you are setting yourself up for the next day to be a tired and cranky day. and i know this, but the thought and the allure of making mexican brownies could not be ignored. what also couldn't be ignored were the three trips i made to get more of these awesomely delicious GF brownies. how i love Trader Joes GF brownie mix! umm, but i digress. so i'm looking this morning for something for me to do for my body so i can get out of this funk and i found this link.

of course i found this after i completely trashed by stomach this morning with more brownies (damn things!) and a banana. it was an attempt at healthiness. what i really need right now is some water and a shower.

i will say though that we have found that not letting the boys have sweets late in the day is a life saver. i actually have decided that cereal is not meant to be had for breakfast. my boys spin up, act crazy, get a little sassy and weepy. it's just too much. so i think it will be a nice fun treat...hmm perhaps late morning snack with some kind of protein...nuts or something...hmmm

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

speaking of Spring...

i love love love this blog:  


so for Ostara, the Vernal Equinox ~ i.e. the first day of Spring i am making these little chica's from The Long Thread. So for my silly geese, their own goose ~ lucy goosey.

 i'll be making two more for my nieces and one for our goddaughter R. so excited about picking the colors and fabrics!

i will post pictures once they are all done.

just have to give myself a little pat on the back, i just posted the button and linked it, so proud of myself. lol

it's a better day...

  it's been a frustrating couple weeks since my last entry. frustrating but rewarding at the same time.

  rewarding in that J and i have had some really awesome conversations about our communication, what we want for our family, school options, my going back to work..you know normal life stuff. :)

 on the school front i've gone with doing it all, re-enrolling the older boys and starting a new application for M3; starting the interdistrict application process for the school in Agoura Hills; and putting the question out to our local Waldorf homeschooling families on the process and support. so much, it seems, depends upon other things. outside things i cannot control. like if i get a job.

  if i get a job it will impact our family pretty significantly. if it were now we could put M2 back in school, but then there's the what to do with M3. in the Fall all would be well because all the boys would be in school together, if we stay at HHWS. the other question would be what to do about the breaks from school (Spring Break, Summer) we would have to find something for all of them.

  apparently there is a waiting list at the Agoura school. so even if i wanted to switch M1 to that school this year and have M2 join him for the remainder of the year i don't know that that is possible. at least with traditional Waldorf schools there is an understanding that Waldorf kids coming from other Waldorf schools get priority over new kids. i don't know that Agoura has that. then there is still the question of M3, not only for now but for the next couple of years until he's 4. goodness! so many unanswered questions.

  i just want what's best for our family and the boys education and not have suffer for the harder path we have chosen. well i guess when you choose the harder path the suffering is supposed to happen as well, but damn, we are stretched thin and some relief would be nice.

  i put in an application yesterday. i feel like i need to follow up my sad little application with an explanatory phone call about the lack of information in the past employment part. being at home for the past 6yrs doesn't look great on an application.

  i got a consultation with a Feng Shui expert. i am slowly making the changes, sometime it's so daunting looking at all the little things that need to be done, but then they are little things and should go quickly when i start knocking them off my list.

  creativity. i am teeming with ideas. Spring is literally right around the corner i need to start working on the things for the boys baskets. as i laid in bed this morning i was thinking about the time change that's March 14th. the "real" time as opposed to the "savings" time we are on right now. how that's going to affect the boys and my sleep.

  J nudged me into meditating with him for 5mins. wow that's hard when your eyes are still so heavy with sleep and it's hard to concentrate on taking slow deep breaths, counting to 4 slowly, remembering to sit up straight, keeping my tounge on the roof of my mouth, visualizing my third eye...oh man, i just wanted to go back to sleep. i did it though, and it's a beginning and i was so pleased that it was J that poked me into action.

  we celebrated our 7th anniversary on the 21st. we've been riding that days goodness for a couple days now. having our patience with each other and the boys. gently reminding the other to keep it together. being open and available to hearing the gentle reminder. i'm really talking about myself at this point. the end of the day, or first start of the day is my most challenging time of keeping it together. too many things to take care of, little boys not listening and i start to spin...thank the gods for the gentle reminders and my husband.

  love that man! :)

  a little bit of everything today...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

it's a day...

  as i sit here at 430pm avoiding making dinner, but searching my girl Karina's website for inspiration, i am completely drained. i mean seriously wiped out. ugh! the thought of all this dinner business doesn't do me any good. the thought of going in the kitchen to whip something up, *sigh*, is just not appealing. where is my home chef today? ha! well if i had a chef then i damn well better have a trainer. :) as i have none of those things i am going to have to schlep into the kitchen.
  for xmas i got J guitar lessons. actually i traded for them. i am trading massage for lessons. it's a really good trade. J is so happy with his lessons and i am pretty sure V is happy with the massage she got this am. it certainly wasn't perfect. the boys were running around interrupting. we got a really late start, but i got to cuddle and hold a lovely 3 month old girl with the most amazing hazel eyes. oh it was so precious. i thought, hmm maybe one more, but then i came to my senses. one more. who knows what we would get, boy or girl. someone else attached to my breasts for the next 2+ years. the sleep thing...oh yeah. she can be as cute as she wants to be, for HER family. :) i did enjoy myself though.
  so i don't know if it's the crazy morning, giving the massage, the half ass lunch i had...i don't know. damn Oprah for having the Chipotle guy on her show. all i want is a bowl.....wait for it....from Chipotle. not the other kind, but right at this moment i could care less. ;) i will say that her show on food was pretty good, but she really needs to have more than one show and she needs to go a little more in depth to show people where their food is coming from and how it's processes.
  M2's birthday party is on Saturday. i am not prepared for it. the avocados i picked from our tree are no where near ready, so i am going to have to come up with another plan for food, other than Mexican Chocolate Cake. that reminds me i still have to get the pinata...oh man i need to make another list and start hammering stuff out.
  i have avoided 2 auditions this week. i am excited by the prospect of going to it, getting the job and making money. i am not excited with taking the boys, feeling like i'm wasting gas, and not getting any kind of feedback. i get that this is a process, but it's kinda lost on me right now and i just don't feel up to putting myself out there. i feel like i need a vacation from my life ~ or maybe just a day to myself might heal this melancholic feeling.
it's definitely a rambling, this one...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

quagmire

  i find myself struggling with school. we love school. i think all kids should want to go to school. grumbling and crying about missing a day should make our hearts all warm and fuzzy, cause then we know they LOVE school. we love the philosophy of Waldorf education. i appreciate all the things i have learned under their wing and know that i'm a better parent for it. i wish that tuition wasn't so expensive and rising every year. when i look at the future with three boys to put through school, 15 years for each boy, an hour drive there and back, twice a day, and that's with out considerations for after school practices and performances ~ whew, it's mind boggling and kind of freaking me out.
  last year we decided that we would home school M1 for first grade. our Kindy teacher pleaded with me not to do it, extolling the virtues and values of first grade and our to-be teacher KTL. she was right. M1's teacher is amazing and i don't know what we would do with out him. he's a guru and wonderfully talented, but he hasn't decided whether to return for second grade or for the future period. this leaves me with a dilemma. one of the reasons i decided it was best for him to come back to Waldorf for first, was that the two younger boys were just that younger. M3 was a baby last year and he really needed me a lot. he's coming up on 2 years this Spring, so now i'm thinking maybe now is the time to reconsider homeschooling.
  fear. this is my greatest detractor. will i be able to provide M1 with all the things he would be getting at an established Waldorf school. i don't want to short change him, but i also don't want to gyp M2 from the opportunity his older brother has already had by being able to go to school and get the foundation of Waldorf in a formal setting.
  part of me feels as though it would be so freeing to have all of them home and doing a Waldorf inspired uneducation. learning hands on, being able to socialize with other Waldorf minded families, and not having the hustle and bustle that going to school creates. there are things i would have to do to succeed in this venture. i would have to be organized and have daily goals. there could be none of this slacking that i do now where nothing gets done all day cause i'm searching the web finding all kinds of cute crafts that i'm not going to do. i say not going to do cause i don't have the time, but it's mostly because i manage (or don't) my time horribly.  i have a lighter heart when i think of them being here, forcing me to step up, be a better person and parent. making me accountable to them, their education, and myself. is that too much to wrap into such a simple thing as homeschooling? i am known (perhaps only to myself) for having huge unattainable expectations and having just as high expectations for myself.. i will need a support group.
*sigh*
then there's the to-be Kindergartner. what do i need to do to start him on a school loving path? i have an idea already of asking M1's teacher for his lesson plans for 2nd grade. perhaps i could ask our favorite Kindy teacher for her's as well. can i juggle both grades at the same time, or kind of mesh the two together when possible so that everyone is having a good time, including M3. hmm food for thought.
partial musings of today...

the beginning

  it's an interesting thing starting a blog. crazy to think that all the stuff in my head is going to be in black and white and what that means exactly. as my husband is so Fiercely saying now a days, "What are you pretending not to know?" (Susan Scott) my point being that once it's in out there, written, out for public viewing, i can no longer pretend not to know or notice or not do anything. it's an action device, this blog. to goose me into actions, to not let my Virgo procrastination get the better of me...well we shall see.
  as i sit here this morning listening to my boys play, yell at one another, and antagonize their short-tempered mother, i am reminded of the simple things. the simple things that i avoid doing, that would make my life so much less frustrating. little things like, not creating one more project (this blog) to detract me from the boys, housework, and everything else. my rationalization will kick in here saying that i need a place, somewhere to be me. have my time. *shrug* so i created it. eating the right things for my body. figuring out a menu that i don't discard with in a couple days of creating. having one on one time with each boy and making it count. cuddling with my J, so he know's he's my one.
  i have this visualization in my head of what i'd like for us to be as a family. most days it gets lost in me. i don't step up and make it happen. i antagonize my children by not being present. the one little thing that they want and crave. well to that end it's not just them it's my husband too...to sit and be present, to listen, truly listen, with out already trying to figure out where he's going, how to answer, what i'm going to say before he has even finished his thought. why is that so hard? so hard for me to give him the validation and time he's looking for when i would give that to a friend *snap* just like that. seems so wrong and twisted. yet i repeat this over and over again, much to his frustration.
  so this isn't all doom and gloom. Corinne Baily Rae's new album "The Sea" is out and i'm listening to that at i type this...love her first album immensely. reminded me so much of when i lived in the UK. that seems forever ago, and yet it's still so fresh in my memories. it's an awesome album. dark and light at the same time. you can feel her lament the loss of her husband.
  seems as though we have lost our M3 for a moment only for him to be found in my room, spraying "something" says my M1. all three of them are here now, rifling through the computer desk drawer...always on the look out for something they can come back later and take. ug! "Hat Coat, Shoes" everyone outside!
  oh the drama of the 4 year old M2. pushing the boundaries, trying to find his new spot. i feel for the middle child having watched both my mother and brother struggle with their birth placement. it's my believe that our children pick us for their parents. we have as much to learn from them as they have to learn from us. sometimes our lessons are more than theirs. so they know coming in the grand picture, where they are going to be, i think it's the parents who have to honor and support each child to help them to their potential "wholeness". not our vision of what we want for them, but what they want and who they want to be. i think my own mother still struggles with how her oldest (me) is not how she wanted me to be. my potential and innocence was lost as a child and now i struggle to make those things right and find my wholeness.
  so there we are. a musing or a rambling?